1. Depression starts the first time you deny yourself something you need.
Most needs are subtle, quiet and drowned out by other priorities – examples of normal and necessary human needs are to be held while you cry, to be listened to by someone close, to be touched affectionately, to told you are valuable, to feel safe from abandonment, to be accepted by somebody for something you feel makes you unique – and chocolate, working harder, drugs and self-punishment will never feed such needs. Children are ritually taught to deny their needs – so there is some work to do to relearn what they are and start feeding them appropriately – it’s not rocket science!
2. Each time you ignore a need you intensify the symptoms.
We learn to carry on regardless even though the hungers nag away to be noticed – we are really great at distracting ourselves from the painful symptoms by, for example, running faster, eating more, smoking, never sitting still for fear of ‘being bored’, pedalling harder, putting others first all of the time, dramatic relationships, even violence and self-harm.
3. A powerful belief about yourself keeps reminding you that you don’t deserve any better – and it is a lie, a convincing one, but a lie nonetheless.
4. This belief was formed before you could speak – so it exists outside of language – it is a simple life-fact to you that a part of you accepts totally, just like gravity or walking.
5. Refusal to get your needs met plus the powerful belief acts dynamically in a vicious cycle and leads you to settle for a world that simply does not ‘get’ you.
6. This leads to symptoms that feel like an illness – but in reality they are simply a result of living in an environment you accept, and doesn’t meet your needs.
Turning up to relationships that give you very little whilst you give everything makes it worse – feeding others and exhausting you. It’s out of balance, and the only pill a doctor has is another anesthetic. You end up feeling trapped by it, as if any attempt to change it will end in disaster – you have to remain in it because there appears to be no reasonable choice to change it in any way, shape, manner or form. Anti-depressants are anesthetics, NOT solutions.
7. You think you are being “too needy” for anyone to be able to stand being with you for long.
You hide away from the world, under the covers, or smiling convincingly on top of the aching hunger inside convinced that you simply don't fit.
8. Like any hunger, your needs have to be fed to be satisfied.
Imagine denying yourself breakfast, lunch and dinner all day every day because you believed you didn’t deserve any food, that it was selfish, wrong, “too needy” – the only way you would survive would be to snatch little bits to eat when you hoped people wouldn’t notice – you’d hide bits, and steal bits and each time you fed you’d feel really ashamed. In fact you'd deal with eating like an addict - and that is no coincidence!
9. Internal voices keep nagging you with ‘rules’ that tell you that you ‘shouldn’t’ be hungry, needy or emotional – they are learned responses to the NORMAL hungers that nag you.
10. Breaking these patterns is impossible without guidance – BUT IT ISN’T ROCKET SCIENCE.
EMSRP is not rocket science – it is a proven and permanent solution for those brave enough to go on the simple journey.
More information at www.emsrp.com
